Publix is evil #14140, and yippie, I remembered Columbo was on.

I had to go to my second home: Publix #62, in Winter Springs.

I had to get Neti pot solution. I’ve been out for close to a month. Every time I checked at Publix they only had the whole kits. I don’t need the pot; I already have a ceramic one. I decided that if that was the case, I was going to just get it and have a spare pot. That’s what I had to do. I got the last one, too.

The Neti pot works magic on getting allergens out of the sinuses. We sell the solution packets at Sprouts, but I bet they are more expensive there, even with my discount.

I was just going to get Moroccan tofu to replace the one our diabolical fridge apparently ate, cause no one can find it. Then again, our fridge, much to my dismay, is a time capsule.

I mosied on into Vegetarian Food World, which occupies a corner of the produce department. I’m not currently a vegetarian, but I was for about four years. Then it became not a good combination with the degree of my hypoglycemia. Plus, I was needing to eat the juiciest, rarest cheeseburger every month, “during my womanly time,” or people would get hurt. That, combined with no coffee, is not pretty.

Vegetarian Food World was fresh out of Moroccan tofu. My choices were: teriyaki (already had one at home), and ginger sesame. That’s the one I got.

*Chinese, rather than Moroccan inspired tofu. The Moroccan tofu probably ran away with my Plant City strawberries. Maybe they are in Key West. Lol.*

Hmm, strawberries were on sale. Not from Plant City? Dern, they are the best. I got the California ones, from Watsonville. Guess I’ll have to suffer.

I got Vickie’s Campbell’s chicken corn chowder, a bottle of purified water, mouthwash, and I was almost in the clear, until I took a right to check out the discounted stuff. I arrived there and looked at the freezer to my right.

Fucking Publix. BOGO Tillamook ice cream and ice cream sandwiches. They beckoned me closer and whispered, “We’re tasty chocolate from the Oregon coast. We will look so good on your hips.” I really need to be less empathic.

*Everything this dairy makes is positively delicious. I hate them,* *That’s a lie.*

I paid and went to the car—Vickie’s, on loan from her—and looked into my bag and discovered that my cashier’s anal bagging technique rivals my own. Did a great job.

*I love picky baggers*. *She clearly understands the concept of symmetry and that there’s a box of Tillamook ice cream sandwiches per hip.*

I arrived home and was immediately stalked by Bo, who wanted a Dentastix. I’m his Aunt Dentastix. I gave him one before I left for Publix. He gets one per day. He was hoping I forgot I gave him one already.