This will be an ongoing blog today as I add events related to tomorrow’s colonoscopy.

10:17 am

I’m hungry and I can have no solid food until after the procedure, scheduled at 12:40 pm. I’m hypoglycemic so, this isn’t going to be easy.

I had to call off work and the store manager gave me a hard time trying to argue with me by saying, “ That’s awfully early (to stop eating solid food). I just had to go through that…” yeah, did he have the same medications? Did he not recall the part about having to drink two doses of medicine that give you diarrhea? That after each dose you have to drink certain amounts of clear liquid over a window of time? Did he expect me to have the runs while working a cash register?

I just didn’t like his attitude. I called with over two hours notice.

I’m going back to sleep. I didn’t get much last night and I’m hungry-for real food.

10:56 am

I called and found out I can have lemon or lime jello. Gawd, I LOATHE jello but, gonna have to eat it. I asked about applesauce. Nope. My stomach is growling.

6:02 pm

Geeze, I slept until 5:30. I figured sleeping was one way to avoid starvation but, I hadn’t planned on sleeping this late. Now, I’ve probably really messed up my sleep schedule.

I just downed my first bottle of CLENPIQ. Cranberry flavor my ass. It tasted like stinky feet-artificially sweetened stinky feet.

I guess I’m driving to Publix-on no food. I hope I don’t faint.

7:35 pm

I’m at Publix getting colonoscopy food. I feel like I’m going to vomit.

7:50 pm

I’m back at home. I had a couple bathroom scares at the store. I just ate one of those Outshine Mango bars. It was actually really good. I got jello. I hate jello. I almost got. Gatorade cause they were $1 a bottle (24 ounce, I think) but, I hate all those sports drinks more than I hate jello. They all taste like dirty rag water.

I know I should have gotten this stuff yesterday but, I’ve had so much on my mind I wasn’t in planning mode and I’m constantly worried about money. I had to blow $12.79 on those Breathe Rights. I usually get the Equate version at Walmart for about $7.

My blood sugar is so low I just wanted to plow anyone over who got in my way. The women’s restroom was, “closed for cleaning,” like it was yesterday at Publix. Thank God they also have a family restroom cause I really didn’t want to go into the men’s room. I would have if I had no other choice.

8:19 pm

When I say I hate jello, I mean I hate it in its refrigerated solid jiggly state. When I was a wee human and I got sick, my mom used to make instant jello and give it to me as a drink. It was great for a sore throat or when I was so sick I could barely muster the strength to eat. I like it like that. I’m having some now. Lemon 🍋.

8:32 pm

Oh my Gawd! I’d kill for a big huge burrito covered in guacamole 🥑 and lettuce, tomatoes, black olives, and cheeeese.

8:55 pm

Haaaa! I just told, Rose, my roommate, that when I was done with this colonoscopy crap that I wanted to go to IHOP. I waaaant an omelet and paaaaancakes! Whaaaa. She cracked up and said, “I was just thinking, I bet she will want to go to IHOP after.”

Damn, I have to try to be less predictable.

9:09 pm

I have a headache. It’s probably a combo sinus/lack of food headache. I can’t take an ibuprofen, cause I can’t take any NSAID’s. Are the colonoscopy people in cahoots with the orthopedic surgeons? I’m afraid to take a decongestant cause it’s red.

11 pm

I just finished drinking a cup of hot chicken broth. This one was mostly the salted kind so, it had more taste. Just before the chicken broth, I finished up the warm jello beverage.

Now, I’ve had at least five 8 ounce cups of liquid by the correct time.

I’m watching the local news. Florida is about to be invaded by Spring Breakers. We will probably have a spike in COVID infections because a lot of college students are stupid and will think they are immune. Oh yay!

11:10 pm

I still have a headache. I’m so hungry. This experience is making me extremely grateful I have food and a home and a place to store, prepare and eat food.

I cannot imagine how horrible it is to have constant hunger EVERY DAY. No one should go hungry in this world and, yet, millions do. My hunger will end by afternoon. I’m lucky.