Names have been changed to protect my co-workers.

Oh yay, another shift at Wally World. It’s 12:20 pm EDT. I’m on my lunch break. Every meal is called, “lunch,” here. It’s just easier to communicate that way.

My back started out sore this morning when arrived at 8:30, being serenaded by Motley Crew on the radio doing, “Home Sweet Home.” I actually like that song. From what I’ve gathered, they appear to live up to their name. I googled them once and discovered that their lead singer is Aquarius. Kind of both explains and excuses his colorful history. Anyway, I digress.

People have been fun. By that I mean, not. I started out on register 8 (number of abundance, c’mon Universe, send cashola) where I had to regretfully inform (cliche intended) a couple that I could not sell them the three bottles of hand sanitizer they wanted. “There is a limit on this product; you can get one.” “Well, there should be signs. There are no signs.” “As far as I know, there are signs but, I will tell the CSM when I see her.” Still, they rumbled on about the lack of signage as they struggled to pick the bottle they wanted. They had two different sizes. They chose the small one. Logical, right? They are willing to blow money on three bottles so they get the small one. Wow! Please don’t vote, drive or spawn. I’m probably too late on that last one.

Then I had a lady who inserted her credit or debit card into the card reader and made two attempts to pay. Both times I received the bright red message, “customer denied the charge.” I repeated the message my register gave me. “Well, I don’t understand. There’s money in there.” People always react as if being broke is a crime. I informed her that that wasn’t the problem. No money sends the message in a red code of 51. “Should I swipe it this time?” People think it’s a question of magnetic strip versus chip. Why? Wouldn’t the tiny elves inside the card readers get the same info either way? Sheesh, people are nuts. Anyway it turned out she was trying to use the card that she had to cancel because it got compromised. She pulled out the new card and, like magic, the elves correctly processed her purchase.

Next up was the angry dude at register 12 who was pissed because my co-worker, David, would not sell him both of his disinfecting wipes. I went over to see if I could help.

“Are these both the same?” I asked before I could look at them. “No, one is Lysol and one is Great Value,” he barked. “No, I mean is one disinfectant for objects and the other for personal use?” I asked finally able to look at them. They were both for things other than humans. “No, sir, these are both the same. If one was for personal use you could get them both.” Then he tried to make the case that they were different sizes and, therefore, different. He started to get rude and bitch and both David and I wanted to pop him one with the biggest container of wipes.

I saw, Wanda, our CSM. Good, she doesn’t take any crap. I strolled over and said, “There’s a guy on twelve having a hemorrhage over not being able to buy two containers of wipes.” She walked over and told the guy the exact same thing I told him. By that time I’d returned to my register and resumed ringing up customers. He didn’t get what he wanted.

The greed of people just astounds me. They think they are the only ones living through this pandemic. Those disinfecting wipes disappear as soon as they get stocked.

Makes me wish we could taser people.