……ginormous silverback gorilla balls. I hate heat. I loathe sweating while sitting reading, watching television or doing nothing in my air conditioned home.

It’s not the sweat I mind so much as the fact that it oozes from my body with nary a physical act by me. I don’t mind sweating if I’m working at something that actually SHOULD make me sweat: strenuous housework, cleaning out a barn, yard work or gardening, archaeology, exercising or having sex (yeah, wait, what is that again?).

The heat in The Sunshine State is unforgiving. The humidity is even worse. I detest the cliche, “It’s not the heat; it’s the humidity.” No, it’s BOTH. I lived with cold humidity in, Western Oregon, and it is NOT oppressive.

Florida humidity is like a wall of thick, heavy steam. It feels as if it is squeezing and pushing all the water out of your body. It can soak a clean, dry t-shirt in a matter of milliseconds. Imagine wearing professional-looking job interview clothes and heals and feeling a river of sweat streaming down your back while trying to formulate an intelligent response to, “Why is it you want to work for our company?” or, “ Describe your greatest strength.” Feeling gross is distracting.

Summer in Florida makes me miss Portland. Ok, I’ll get real. Fall, Winter and Spring make me miss Portland. True, Portland does get a spate of days with 100 degree F temperatures that are unbearable because over 90 percent of Portland homes lack air conditioning because historically it wasn’t needed. Rich Portlanders do have AC. In my experience, I think, we had a whole week of over 100 degree days in 1992 or 1993. But, also, I recall the Summer of ‘93 was rainier than usual.

Brian and I survived it by not turning on our oven-ever. We ate salad every night. We took the Max train or the bus to air conditioned movie theaters or, to the malls: Lloyd Center (trivia-Tonya Harding trained at the skating rink there), Pioneer Place in downtown or even Washington Square in Beaverton-home to Nike. Or we hiked into Forest Park and hung out all day under huge Douglas Firs. Or, we went to air conditioned coffee houses or microbreweries.

Currently, it is 12:14 am EDT Saturday morning in Florida. I have been home since 6:30 pm. My air conditioner has not turned off once. It’s set at a relatively conservative 75 degrees F. If I hadn’t gone on the budget plan with my electric company, the bill would be well over $200 for the month. I live in a two bedroom one and a half bath townhouse, not in a house. Our electric bills in Portland were never obnoxious. Even in Winter we barely used the heater. When we had a fireplace we used it but, mostly, we piled on sweaters or blankets. I find cold weather to be invigorating. The heat makes me feel like an overheated, uncomfortable sloth.

Here’s the forecast for Central Florida for the next week.

Portland, Oregon forecast for the same time frame. Note several days in the 80’s and that the lows are very cool.

My kilowatt usage over the past year.