Vickie dropped me off about 15 minutes ago. It’s 6:32 am, and I’m in the Sprout’s employee breakroom. My shift starts at 8:30 am.

Not having a car sucks. Especially in Florida. I can’t wait till I get the money for a replacement car.

On these wonderful mornings in which I arrive two hours before my shift starts, I opt to eat at work, rather than at home. So, I can sleep a little later.

Apparently, it’s too early for WordPress to insert photos. I’ve tried to insert two images. This is what I get.

I mostly ruminated in the car while Vickie drove me here. I’m so lucky to have her. She has been such a blessing, especially since August, when she moved in 12 days after my auto accident.

We spoke a little, during the drive, and I told her how overwhelmed I feel. So much in my life needs to improve but, it’s so hard to gather the energy to focus on doing that. I told her I need to produce a game plan. I need to find mental health counseling that takes my insurance. I need either a psychiatrist who does talk therapy or a psychologist who works with a psych ARNP, who can prescribe my meds. My primary care physician, Deborah Lauridsen MD, has been prescribing my happy meds, but I want to have access to a doctor more familiar with psych medications, in case one or both of the ones I’m on now begin to falter.

I think my first step is writing a list of things I want and need to work on.

In the car, Vickie asked, when I told her I feel so overwhelmed, “What can I do to help?” She’s so awesome. You know how special it is to have someone in your life care enough to ask that? Especially, when she’s having difficulties too. I am blessed and grateful for her. My answer was, “Honestly, the thing that would solve everything right now is money.” She agreed.

If I was as lucky as I want to be I could get a car, get my dental work done, get a new and good home, pay off my student loan and all my other debts, repay all my Go Fund Me donors, not that I have to, but I would. I could get all the medical treatments I need and want. I could, straight up, pay the full cost of the chip implant to replace the CPAP machine for my sleep apnea, since I’m pretty sure my insurance wouldn’t pay for it because the machine improves my condition. I’m just tired of the cleaning, the strap marks on my face, the Velcro coming loose sometimes when I turn over, thereby, causing the mask to fall off. I’m sick of the machine whistling at times, waking me up and forcing me to fiddle with the water tank to shut the whistling off. These interruptions sort of defeat the purpose of having the CPAP machine, in the first place. Yet, I am grateful to have it.

And, of course, if I DID get the luck I want, there are about twenty other people who would also directly benefit, in equal amounts.

It’s 7:25 am. I just went to buy something else to eat and see if we had any books or magazines on diverticulitis. No diverticulitis reading material, but a magazine, or two, on inflammation.

I think I’m going to work on my list of things I need to do to fix my life.

More later, maybe.🙏🏻❤️‍🩹