Pantry purging has needed to be done for close to four years. As I toss out expired sauce mixes, cans of soup, and stale garlic croutons forgotten because it was impossible to even see them under all the foodstuff clutter and hoarding, I reflect on the other kinds of purging I want or need to do.

For four years I’ve lived with someone who doesn’t do housework and seemingly has disdain for organization. I’m done with it.

She came to live with me two months after I unloaded Princess Clueless. The experience with PC was so draining, humiliating, embarrassing, and angering that I was wiped out by July of 2017.

Princess Clueless is the wench who claimed I owed her $1500 after she caused $1400 worth of damage to my Beetle, owed me $400 for the interior window her idiot son broke with a dart and owed me for lost wages and medical care for the piece of that window that got stuck in my left foot.

Yeah, the doofus she hired to clean up the glass didn’t even get half of it. A hunk of it ended up on the floor by the sink. I arose from the kitchen table, my slipper flew off, I lost my balance and in regaining it, my left heal landed on a piece of that glass. That was in June. She and her 10-year old son moved out in May.

It was summer, I kept getting podiatrist referrals only to learn the doctors were on vacation. I got lucky with the fourth podiatrist. And, she turned out to be a keeper. We knew it was glass from the window, which was safety glass and was visible in the x-Ray. It was mid-July when she pulled out that piece of glass.

During the hell she caused me, I managed to clarify that her signatures on our lease were as a witness and not as a tenant. Thus, I was the sole person on the lease and she had no right to enter my home. That’s when I changed the locks, with a deadbolt I had to buy.

It took several months during 2017, but finally in November of that year, I successfully purged her from my life.

When PC’s replacement moved in in July I was relieved and I had no idea I was to find out that I was the only person who cared about keeping the home clean. Then, that fact simply sucked the strength out of me and I let things slide.

I know what you’re thinking: why didn’t I boot out the replacement? Well, as I’ve written before, I moved into this place out of desperation; indeed, PC, her son and I were going to be homeless because of the manner in which she sold her house to a house flipper.

The day we had to be out was the day I got the miraculous call from the apartment manager here, saying if we had $1600 we could have the apartment.

By the time PC moved out, I was pretty much exhausted dealing with all things roommate related. Plus, Rose kept telling me she was interested in making this place a real home. That turned out to not be true.

I just kept hanging on thinking, Dear God, life HAS to get better! I kept praying for a miracle or two. And, yet my energy kept evaporating.

As of this August we have Vickie living with us because she got into a very scary situation in her home. She was in physical and psychological danger.

She has been a God-send. She likes cleanliness and order. I am so grateful. So thankful. I am so blessed to have had my domestic energy restored.

She’s helping me purge.

And, purging I am doing. Not just in my home, but with circumstances.

I’m purging drama: domestic drama, confusing possible romantic relationship drama, job and career building drama.

Ideally, I want to live by myself. I miss living by myself, knowing that I’m responsible for my home, knowing all the messes are mine, and I can’t blame anyone but myself. I enjoy learning more about myself and then attempting to become a better human. I enjoy living in my decor and furnishings; I used to have some nice ones. But, in my current economic state, I just can’t afford that anymore. What I need is a domestic partner who shares the values of having an organized, clean home. Having Vickie here has given me new energy. I want to keep this momentum going.

Concerning work: I desperately want to ditch the retail world for one full of words, photography and publishing. Earning my living the way I’m doing it now, is becoming distasteful. I’m tired of soul sucking jobs. Nothing against Sprouts; it’s against retail.

The possible romantic relationship purging is complicated. I’ve been involved in an almost two-year flirtation with a man who has a very demanding career, and a lot of external responsibilities.

I think he recognized something in his life needs to drastically change and he’s overwhelmed by it. I am purging the thought of romance with him and transforming those ideas into wanting to be there for him to help him transform his own life. I have no idea where that would lead, but I’m not counting on gaining a boyfriend. That’s ok.

I’m here, if he wants that. If he wants something more, he knows what he has to do.

It’s time to face reality and do some transforming myself.