suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Please click on the link. Last October I was in a very dark place. I was trying to get my first colonoscopy done because of a positive Cologuard test.

I had called my health insurance company to pay two and a half months worth of premiums over two days I tried to pay this bill and finally a supervisor got on the phone and informed me that my policy had been canceled.

I completely lost it in that moment; I did not want to be walking this earth if I had no way to affordably keep myself healthy. Health is everything.

I casually mentioned this. The comment flew out of my mouth that I wanted to be dead. I’m unsure of the degree of lethality.

This is a paradox of suicide; it takes a millisecond to decide you want to die. If you pick the, “right,” method, you can end your life before you have even processed what is happening.

My comment sent the insurance agents at Florida Blue in motion. That wasn’t my intention. My intention was to just end the pain and the financial struggle.

Without realizing it, it set my insurance company into action to restore my policy, which I had pointed out before I set down the suicide path, that my policy was under the umbrella of the Affordable Care Act and was not subject to cancellation until a full three months of non-payment.

I regained my composure after they took my payment. Simultaneously, I realized that it was only happening because they were covering their asses in case I did off myself. They weighed the possibility of a lawsuit against the gesture, which cost them nothing, of restoring my insurance.

I still feel the same. I would rather be dead than not have the means to keep myself healthy.

I am stronger now and I try to maintain my health insurance premiums, even if it means not having all my rent. Luckily, I’ve been able to pay both each month since last October.

This brings me to my other complaint with our society: universal healthcare for everyone will save lives and give more people better, healthier lives. Good access to healthcare is a right and not a privilege.

Not every doctor is compassionate enough to offer pro Bono healthcare. I’m lucky to know one who offered that if I ever lose my insurance. That’s the first doctor I’ve had tell me that in 61 years. I’m grateful to him and to the people who called the police department to do a wellness check on me.