Happy crappy new year’s day

My first day of the year ended in emotional disappointment. It’s hurtful and yet freeing.

I don’t like being led on or emotionally toyed with by confused men who don’t know what or who they want. It’s rude and hurtful and arrogant.

I’m done.

Life will continue and improve and I will be saying goodbye to at least one person in my life. I can do better.

I’m going to concentrate on building stable finances-like the ones I used to have. I want a happy home. I want a nice, clean, safe, pest-free home, that I am proud of, that’s in a safe, nice neighborhood-like I used to have.

I want to get back into the gym and get my body back into shape-like it used to be. I want a bike again-like I used to have.

It would be great to have a healthy romantic life-like I once had-but, I am not holding my breath. I’m not going to care about that anymore. It’s a waste of time and energy.

I seem to meet most of my suitors at work and I’m about to start a new job. Who knows? Maybe someone interesting who wants to move to Oregon will cross my path or even someone who wants to stay in Florida but, who is worth staying for will present himself.

But, that’s not my focus.

I have a lot to do this year.

Still, it’s a mystery, why did he behave that way toward me, if it wasn’t real? In his line of work, he took a huge risk with me? For me? Not sure which. But, he could have lost his career so, why did it behave that way? He must have been sure he wanted me.

How could he not see how I was confused, even scared because I didn’t trust my own perceptions-or my intuition?

Some men are ridiculous no matter how formally educated and emotionally mature they should be.

Clover blossoms in my front yard. I hope there are some four leaf clovers out there.

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