Today is the last day of my mini staycation. I did a lot of the right kind of ruminating about fixing my life.
I know many of you have experienced a time in your lives when you feel as though your existential journey on the physical plane has gone so far off the rails that you have absolutely no idea of where or how to start repairs. That happened to me in 2007. It left me with exactly one stable material thing in my life. That was that I had a still relatively new, very dependable car. I could still get to work in mass transit challenged Florida and in a pinch it could be home. Luckily, I always managed to avoid that situation. One time at the very last second. That’s how I wound up living where I do now.
Of course, I was and, still am, extremely blessed and lucky, not to mention, grateful, to have several beautiful, honorable, friends in my life. They were the real lifelines. I love and thank them all.
Thirteen years later I am still repairing my finances and my destroyed self-esteem, which was never all that great to begin with. In fact, I was just starting to allow myself to know and FEEL that I deserved and was capable of achieving what I wanted in life when I sabotaged everything in 2007. I was in my forties. I’ve always been a late bloomer. It’s kind of what my first novel is about. Yes, it takes place in Portland but, there’s a lot of Florida in there too.
This talk about writing brings me to my topic. As much as I truly want to focus on my writing, I have to do some serious purging, cleaning and reorganizing my physical world. It’s gotten so out of hand that it is negatively impacting my soul, spirit and mind. I’ve let a malignant cycle come to life. In psychology you learn that the great thing about nasty cycles is that the cycle is a circle and they can be broken anywhere.
Doing more writing and thinking hasn’t improved things so, I’m going to concentrate on unloading the material crap. Hopefully, The Universe will see this as more tangible evidence that I want drastic life improvement and will toss me a bone or two.
Temporarily, I will only be posting little tidbits such as this. My intention with this blog site was to eventually turn it into an online magazine with some more journalistic pieces. I have so many ideas-I’m a true idea person- that require a lot of research and even some interviews. For now, those ideas are on hiatus while I physically and psychologically declutter.