I have no clean underwear.

Did I get your attention?

They are in the dryer on cycle number two as I sit and write this on my iPhone.

I hope that clears up some things in your mind.

For instance, I’m not a barbarian.

Or a dirty hippie. I might be a spiritual hippie who enjoys camping in nature but, I love bathing. My fantasy home has a garden tub and bath toys you might give a five year old. And, it also has an appealing human bath toy you might give an adventurous heterosexual woman.

Ugh, and speaking of things sexual, as I write this the CBS show, “Love Island,” is commencing to come on. I just made a sound of disgust to my roommate, Rose, and said, “The sad thing is, when I was their age (in my 20’s), I would not have even watched this crap.” I just hate watching vacuousness. There is too much walking around in real life. Watching frivolous vacuousness would make my flesh crawl, make me hurl and possibly give me seizures. And I’m on generic Trileptal. It’s an anti-seizure medication mostly given to epileptics but, it’s also prescribed to bi-polars, such as myself.

Plus, allegedly “perfect beauty” is boring as hell. In my mind, imperfection is perfect. Perfection is a relative concept.

Ok, I know I sound like I am contradicting myself. To clarify, perfect beauty, as is usually defined by a given culture, is boring. There, I think that covers me. Supermodel beauty is dull. Barbie doll prettiness is a snooze fest. I never thought Barbie’s boyfriend, Ken, was the kind of guy I would look at twice. I usually don’t find a man attractive until he opens his kisser and says something intelligent or funny. Then, he becomes adorable. And, if what he says is both intelligent and funny, well then, I’m a goner.

How did I get on this subject? I was going to write about a mixed collection of experiences I’ve had over the last few days. I swear my mind has a mind of its own. Does that mean I have multiple personality disorder? Where the hell is my Abnormal Psychology textbook? I think I still have it. I have almost every textbook I ever bought for college. And, I graduated with well over the required 136 (???) credits needed at USF. Yeah, I could probably build a kid’s fort with them in my living room.

I’m addicted to formal higher education much like I’m addicted to coffee and chocolate….,and, maybe, cheese.

In other news, I was supposed to have a doctor’s appointment Wednesday at 11:15 with my primary care physician, Dr. Lauridsen. I had to reschedule it for September 16th. I needed more time to get the blood tests I needed. She’s monitoring my cholesterol because of the aforementioned cheese. I like cheese with my cheese. Actually, last time I saw her my cholesterol levels had drastically improved, they were good in fact but, she wanted me to stay on the medication for a little longer. I did cut back on my cheese consumption but, it was painful. Also, I had to reschedule cause my Colorguard kit hadn’t arrived. When I called to reschedule the receptionist checked and found that no one from the office had faxed in the order. Completely forgivable. I love my doctor. She’s busy but, very compassionate and understanding and her judgement has sent me to three other fantastic doctors. I feel extremely lucky to be so happy with my doctors. So, my kit got ordered and it arrived yesterday. But, looking at the box makes me feel old, which sucks.

In other health news, I still haven’t heard the status on insurance coverage for my vascular procedure. I’m going to call the doctor’s office tomorrow. I hope it’s good news.

I had off today (Tuesday, as I write this. It might be Wednesday when I publish this) and have off tomorrow. I might try and stay busy enough overnight to stay awake to reset my sleeping schedule. It’s so messed up and I loathe it.

Around October of last year I changed my work availability from 7 am to 10 pm to 8 am to 7 pm. I was afraid that I would lose hours but, happily, I’ve actually been getting more hours, often close to 40 hours per week. Even though Walmart is not the apex of my life-far, far from it-I need something that will pay the bills while I build a writing career.

A side effect of this career building has been discovering that I get such a buzz from writing that my mind is a ping pong ball afterward. It’s like I drank a whole pot of coffee or, went to the gym (I can’t work out in the evening). I’ve found that even if l write in the early afternoon I’m still buzzing at 3 am. That doesn’t mix well with a retail schedule that demands I arise at 6 or 7 in the morning. Thus, on my days off my body has attempted to catch up on lost slumber.

Today I got up around 1 pm. I hate it. Today, though, I didn’t let it depress me into inaction. Instead I’m trying to just embrace having the time off and being productive. I hope staying awake all night does not backfire; I hope I don’t doze off at 2 pm and wake up twelve hours later. That would put me on a schedule that’s just as annoying.

Not all of my writing gives me a linear high. The novel I am writing, actually, the novel I keep writing to a certain plot point and then ripping up and restarting, has a creation buzz curve that more closely resembles a bell (normal) curve.

The buzz from writing my novel peaks at the top of the mound and the emotional connection I have to the subject matter exhausts me. Hence, the downward slope. When that happens I crash.

My novel (it has a statistical themed title, btw) has strong connections to my childhood experiences and family. Many of them are bittersweet. The protagonist does have a lot in common with me but, she’s also very different. For starters, she has a sister. I’m an only child.

Thus, since I’m going to be buzzing after I hit the, “Publish,” button on this puppy, I’m going to have myself a shredding party. I seriously need to unload some paper clutter. That will probably give me another buzz. Clearing up clutter releases a lot of depression and psychic weight.

Yesterday, well, Monday, since as I write, it is 1:13 am Wednesday, I concluded three consecutive days of work. I had off on Friday and during my absence the retail devils began displaying holiday merchandise.

Yes, after I clocked in and walked through the double doors in the infant department and onto the sales floor, my eyes were treated to Fall, Thanksgiving and Halloween decorations. Holy crap. It was August 22nd. The consumerism wheel was speeding up

Another thing that was shocking about my senses being assaulted by the perception of these holiday reminders was the fact that we are headed toward the end of the year and we are still dealing with COVID-19. I guess the upside is that it all indicates 2020 will be ending and, hopefully, 2021 will find a new and improved world.

In other news, it is 2:02 am and I now have clean, dry underwear.

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The name of that textbook is: “Basic Statistics For The Behavioral Sciences,” by Kenneth Pfeiffer and James N. Olson, 1981.

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One of the quirks of WordPress is that when saving blogs as drafts, they are given the publish date as the date they were saved as drafts. Thus, this blog was published after 2 am on Wednesday 8/26 when I started writing it on Tuesday 8/25. It’s kind of annoying.