Yes, it is time for another edition of Publix is Evil.

After work last night I headed to my regular neighborhood Publix in Winter Springs Town Center.

I only needed cat food-Rachel Ray Longevity. It comes in a purple bag. NO! That is not why I buy it, although, it is a nice shade of purple. The bag, not the food. My cat, Cammie, has a sensitive tummy. This food seems to work best for her. By the way, I did not name her so that her name rhymed with mine. She came pre-named. She’s a tabby. I think the previous owner (a former co-worker in the Daytona Barnes & Noble) thought she looked camouflaged. Hence, Cammie.

There I was pushing a cart toward the pet food aisle. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking: a cart for one item? Well, by the time I arrived I’d decided on getting a pre-made salad. It’s Publix. Their salads usually do not involve Salad Roulette.

Yeah, I know you are thinking, a cart for two items? Well, the Publix carts are so silver and shiny. The green parts are so clean and gleaming and they remind me of Oregon forests. I was hypnotized. Allegedly, we Aquarians are especially susceptible to hypnosis. Yes, I really read that somewhere. Ok, so, I’m grasping for any excuse. And, holy smokes, if the waterbearers are susceptible to hypnotism those Pisceans with their sensitive psyches must be total goners up against hypnotism. Poor fishies. They are too sweet to take advantage of. I digress.

I got my shiny cart pushed into the pet food aisle, going the proper direction. I’m getting pretty good at that. I found the Rachel Ray selections and, gasp, there were no purple bags. Now, Publix is a whole different kind of evil. Turquoise, blue, green. No purple. Shit. I could have asked a stock person to go to the back and check to see if they had the kind I needed but, I just wanted to get my two items and go home. So, I grabbed the salmon flavor and tossed it into my cart.

I commenced rolling on over to the produce department, where the pre-made salads live. And, oh look, it’s Noosa yogurt. I need some for breakfasts and I haven’t had the coconut one in awhile. I got that one, blueberry and, my favorite, lemon.

I got to the fridge where the salads are and guess what, they face the fresh berries. Oh, Lordy, organic raspberries are on BOGO. And, organic figs are on sale! I haven’t had those in ages and my (too adorable for my own good) orthopedic surgeon who grows them is not in the vicinity. Damn doctors. I bet they hang out with cops you can never find when you need one. In the cart the organic fruit went. They will be good with my yogurt.

Only after I picked out my fruit did I acknowledge the salads. Whoa! They are on sale too. I chose a, “Greek Inspired,” one. Does it come with a Greek man? I might have trouble tossing it all together, my wrist is a little sore. Ha!

Yeah, my train of thought went that way. Then I found the BOGO Juicy Juice. I got Tropical and Cherry. Oh, and I’d grabbed a Publix brand bottle of orange juice. It was on sale. I’m drinking some as I write this on my iPhone.

I thought I was done. I began pushing toward the front end and then I got a whiff of a chocolate sale. Whoohoo. I was right. I got a bag of Ghirardelli sea salt and almond chocolate squares. Finally released from the psychic grasp of Ghirardelli, I gazed at the content of my cart. Shit, I forgot to check on that coffee sale. Community Coffee was on BOGO. I got a Breakfast Blend and a decaf. Ok, I thought, I think I’m done.

I headed to the front and what did I spy? A cooler packed with Pom pomegranate juices on sale. My fave is the blueberry-pomegranate blend. It picked up my psychic waves because one just leapt into my cart and who am I to mess with the supernatural?

I looked over my loot. Damnit, I didn’t have any of my grocery bags. Yes, I am an environmentalist and could have requested paper bags but, they are not as much fun as Publix reusable bags. I got two.

They will go nicely with the other 589 reusable bags I have at home.

P.S. I forgot to mention the coffee creamer, on sale Boar’s Head cheese and the BOGO spaghetti sauce sale.