One of the things I discussed with Dr. Gidday, my gastroenterologist, this morning was my pending colonoscopy. This will be the third one he’s done on me.

What should happen is that the procedure scheduler will call me and we pick a date. If I don’t hear from them within about a week, I am supposed to call them.

Each time I have a pending colonoscopy, Dr. Gidday prescribes the nasty CLENPIQ, which is like Drano, for human consumption. Although, it is allegedly cranberry flavored, it takes like cough syrup sweetened with some hideous fake sugar (yep, as far as I’m concerned, Stevia is in that camp).

It seems like everyone I’ve talked to who have had a colonoscopy, has been given some differing intestinal cleaner. I’ve met people who had to drink some prescribed multiple gallon concoction. Others have told me that they had to clean themselves out with an over the counter stool movers. I’m suspicious of these regiments. If you are not constipated, why take something like Miralax?

The CLENPIQ is FOR colonoscopies. Yes, it tastes disgusting. Yes, it’s expensive; my insurance covers all but $50 of it. But, it’s only 16 ounces, split into two doses. It just seems more efficient, and probably does a better job at cleaning stuff out. The colonoscopy photos sure make my innards look all shiny and clean.

But, holy moly, I couldn’t believe it when, while we were shopping at the Casselberry Walmart, right after leaving my appointment in Orlando, I received a text from my pharmacy that my CLENPIQ was ready for pick up. I don’t even have the procedure scheduled yet.

Do the doctors at the Center for Digestive Health own stock in the company that makes that stuff?

I doubt that’s true, but if it were, a lot of cashola would be flowing. That place is busier than Walt Disney World at the height of vacation season. Vickie had to drive around the ample-sized lot at least twice. It was so busy, there was a staffer out directing traffic flow in the parking lot. She motioned Vickie to pull into the drop off alcove and park and wait for someone to leave.

It felt like trying to park at UCF on the first day of classes—btw, student enrollment there is over 60,000—so you get the picture.

Speaking of pictures, here are a couple more.