Oh yeah, immediately I got cramps. My procedure is done and, damn, it hurt. My doctor told me I would probably feel like I had cramps. Holy crap, from the first pinching of tissue I felt like my 20-something self wanting to take an Exacto knife to my girlie parts.

I had to take a pill three hours before my appointment. She said it was to help relax me, I swear it made me stoned. She said that’s not a usual reaction. It probably is just increasing my exhaustion. I didn’t go to sleep until about 3:30 am. Also, I tend to be really sensitive to medication in general.

This medicine, misoprostol, is used to stop ulcers that are sometimes caused by taking NSAID’s (ibuprofen, aspirin but, not Tylenol) and it is also given to induce abortions. I think that it is supposed to relax and open the cervix. Pregnant women, who want to stay that way, can’t take it. I bet there are a few women who are not pregnant but, are adamantly anti-choice who refuse to take it once they learn what it can do to fetuses.

That’s a soap box for another kind of blog but, I’m sure you can guess what side I’m on.

Right now I feel like I’m going to barf and, I haven’t thrown-up since 1985. I think it’s some kind of body karma that makes me endure whatever torture I’ve perpetuated against it such as, drinking heavily, which I don’t do anymore, or eating bad dairy foods. Nope, my body makes me hold in the offending thing I’ve ingested. My stomach feels as though there is a sea of high waves lapping around in there.

Of course, the pain is probably making me nauseous. I think she took at least four snips or scrapes of my my uterus. I felt as though she stuck one of those long single ended Q-tips but, also topped with tweezers up there. I felt poked and pinched with something skinny. I grunted about five times. It wasn’t fun but at least it didn’t last long. My appointment was for 9:30 and I had to wait behind another woman who was, I think, a new patient turning in her book of personal medical information. Then they weighed me, took my temperature, “Please lower your mask for me,” the nurse said. “What?” I asked stunned. Since our mask wearing began almost a whole year ago, I’ve never heard that phrase spoken to me. She inserted an old fashioned under the tongue thermometer. Then she took my blood pressure. After that I had to tinkle into a cup.

Dr. Bernal came into the exam room and did my procedure in about ten minutes. It felt longer cause it hurt but, I was back in the waiting room by 10:17 am. My roommate was home and I asked her to drive me cause I was so exhausted I knew I’d crash my car. I’m glad she was home.

I asked Dr. Bernal what the ultrasound did show. She said there is a thickening of the uterine walls. Now, I am scared: no fibroids, probably no polyps. What does that leave? Cancer, cause my last blood work said my hormones were normal? Of course, that was a year ago and God knows how stressful just the COVID pain in the ass has been. I’ve had other stressors on top of that. But, I’m still damn lucky I haven’t caught COVID-so far-it’s still worrisome being an essential worker. I just wished we were paid essential money!

Damn, I think I’m having some soup and going upstairs for a nap. Am I in my twenties again? Cause, I’m having 1980’s pain. I want my MTV.