Can’t sleep

I keep ruminating on what I wrote earlier and on all my disappointments. It’s keeping me up. What I really want to do is go to bed and try to force myself out of bed early, even on a poor amount of sleep, so that I can work on changing employment and continue purging.

I have Wednesday and Thursday off and want to be productive but, I have to admit that the personal aspect of my struggle-the disappointing discoveries I made on Tuesday-are what’s mostly keeping me awake. It’s really the bigger puzzle because of all the concealed variables. I hate being forced to read between the lines and there is one kind of situation I’m too shy to ask questions about.

Like I wrote earlier: live and learn.

So, I’m trying to unwind by watching some bad seventies TV (is that a redundant phrase?) on MeTV. “Mannix,” is on. What used to be state of the art then is comical now. That’s how it always is. Thirty years from now, today’s state of the art will also look comical.

To me the most interesting part of watching old TV and, “Mannix,” in particular, is that now I look at actor, Mike Connors, and I think he’s kind of hot. Back in the seventies I was more into the Robert Plant types-long blonde curly hair that gave off an Arthurian vibe. It’s kind of hilarious that I find men in their 50’s and 60’s attractive. Of course, I know it’s because of my own maturation but, if my current self could have told my 16 year old self that one day I would have found a 55 year old guy hot, I would have busted out laughing.