I’ve been having the itch to write, but I’ve been totally wiped out. Rose has been in the hospital a total of about 60 times this past year.

It wears on me, stresses me out, and depresses me. I love her cat, Pandora, but I’ve told her several times that I’m STILL not over losing my Cammie, my cat who died right next to me on 12/14/19. I was on the phone trying to arrange euthanasia and she ceased to live.

It was heart wrenching. I still tear up thinking about her. I loved her so much. She was without a doubt the sweetest, goofiest, most loving, and second smartest cat who has ever owned me. I got her cremated, I did with my other two favorite cats, Merlin and Floyd. Those two were soulmates.

She was special, in every possible way. I’m just not ready to take on full time pet responsibilities. With Rose in the hospital so frequently I feel like I’m a full time cat mom. I honestly think Pandora sees me as her second mom.

She’s a very spirited cat, which I normally love, who is difficult to always discipline. It’s work. It honestly feels like work.

When I had Cammie, I was cleaning out her litter box at least three times a day. It didn’t always need much attention, but keeping a clean litter box is one way to keep kitty UTI’s at a minimum. I just don’t have it in me to do the same for Pandora.

That’s not all that is exhausting me. I am sucked into having a totally fucked up sleep schedule. Right now it is 5:49 am EDT. I haven’t been to sleep since 9 am Wednesday morning. Thus, psychologically, it’s Wednesday night to me.

Antsy. Jumpy, on edge. It all has contributed to my horrible sleep schedule. All it takes is one night, or early evening shift and my sleep hours are transformed into shitty. Basically, my sleep is messed up from a couple of closing shifts I worked two years ago.

I have so many essay type blog posts running amok in my head, I just don’t know where to start. It does not help that I don’t have any new photos to use. I maxed out my image space on WordPress going on two years ago. I haven’t had the extra money to upgrade my plan.

Also, I’m seriously thinking of moving my domain over to WIX. I haven’t been happy with JetPack running the show.

I’m getting really drowsy now. I think I might try for some sleep.

I hope I can be hack here later. Thank god I’m off tomorrow, which is really today.