It’s almost 4am EDT. I’m antsy because my roommate decided she needed to go to the ER at 1:45 am—this is Monday morning—Memorial Day. I have to be at work at 11 am. I’m too antsy to drift off just yet. So, I’m venting.

Rose, my roommate has gone to the ER close to 60 times since 5/40/2024. That’s the day I had my right knee replaced. Since then her habit has been to go, get admitted, stay 3-4 nights, get discharged, and return 3-5 days later. I’d just picked her up after her discharge last Wednesday.

She should have a wing named after her at AdventHealth in Altamonte Springs, Florida.

To be fair, she was born with spina bifida in the mid-70’s, so it’s a miracle she survived and even thrived during her younger years. Correlated with spina bifida is an increased chance of contracting urinary tract infections and have bowel issues. She’s pretty lucky the bowel issues are not her real problem. She gets kidney infections constantly. They often turn into kidney infections. I worry she’s going to need new kidneys. However, there are some psychological variables at work too. This is my gut and psychology degree talking.

As an infant, I think her visits with doctors, nurses, and hospitals helped her forge a bond with medical professionals. I’m pretty sure stress plays a huge part in her needing to be in the hospital. I swear it’s like an addiction. I’m worried, but I’m also emotionally drained.

We’ve been roommates since July 1st, 2017 so, I’ve seen her end up in the hospital, God, it’s well over hundreds of times, her first hospital stay while she lived with me came in September 2017, and it was a scary one. Hurricane Ira hit us while she was in Orlando Regional Hospital (ORMC) in downtown Orlando. She had been prescribed a new medication that gave her Stevens-Johnson Syndrome.

If you’ve never heard of it, you should be aware. The photos ain’t pretty. Almost any medication you’ve been taking for years can suddenly turn on you and give you a rash that looks and behaves like a burn and it can kill you,

This syndrome is linked with taking psychotropic medications. But, even Tylenol and ibuprofen can suddenly cause this rash, even if you’ve taken it for years. I first heard of this when a psychiatrist first diagnosed me with bipolar II in the early 2000’s. The doctor prescribed lamictal and I was cautioned to be on the lookout for any rash that truly looks weird. I was told the the rash could be fatal. I was lucky and had no such reaction that time. Money shortages led me to be off the drug for a few years, and when they prescribed it again. I was again warned to watch out for the rash. I started getting one. I called the ARNP I saw at the counseling center. He boomed onto the phone, “Do not take anymore. I will get you on something else!” I told him I’d already quit the pills.

So, when Rose got this scary rash and ended up in the hospital for over two weeks, I really discovered how damn lucky I was.

Luck was on her side too, but I think the hospital stay brought up the sense of comfort she probably gets from being in the hospital, and since then she’s been in the hospital hundreds of times.

Worrying about her is wearing me down. I want her to get better and I’d love to help her as much as I can, but so many times I just want to run away and be in my own world to deal with my own dysfunctions and just live quietly in peace by myself. The solitude will help me find answers.

I’m really not sure how much more I can take.

I wish I had a magic wand I could wave to make her healthy.