It’s Wednesday afternoon, 5:39pm, I clocked out at 5:15pm. Still have to mooch Wifi off of work, in the breakroom.

I’m still driving my roommate’s car and I’m getting more depressed about it everyday. It feels like I’m never going to have all the money to get my car fixed. If I was was paying only my half of the rent, my half of the electricity, and my half of the water bill, I would have had the new alternator installed already. I’ve been driving the Honda CR-V since CHRISTMAS EVE. I miss my Nissan.

I love the way my car handles; if I really wanted to, I could steer that tank of a car with my damn pinky. It’s roomy—not cramped. The dash has just enough bells and whistles to not be overwhelming while I’m driving a 3,000 pound, potential weapon. And, it does not smell like cigarette smoke. Yeah, I’m gonna have to break Rose’s (not her real name) fingers. She has enough health and financial issues without adding smoking to them.

Let me just say that I am grateful to have the use of her car, but honestly, I want MY CAR back. Rose, hasn’t been working. She’s been in the hospital close to 50 times since 5/30/2024, the day I had my new right knee installed. So, somebody has to work and this somebody has a non-functional car. So, hello, she’s kind of obligated to loan me hers.

Unfortunately, this comes with a host of other challenges. With no work, and no disability, until last month, her car payment record has been very spotty. She’s received donations from Go Fund Me, a few times that gave her car payment and insurance funds. Her car payments are outrageous. I don’t understand why she settled for such high monthly payments. She pays $200 more a month than I pay for my Rogue, and her car is a 2016–a year older than mine. It’s just crazy because every few weeks I go into panic mode wondering if her financing entity is going to repo the car, like they’ve threatened to do a couple of times

This past Saturday, 4/19 I learned that there is another thing to panic about. I was three quarters of the way home. I was turning left onto one of the residential streets that intersects another residential street I turn right onto that takes me to the main highway that my street pretty much intersects.

I was turning left while a Winter Springs cop was turning left, in the opposite direction. So, he was directly in front of me. I got my green light and made my turn and reflexively looked in the rear view mirror. That cop was right behind me.

Hmm, I know what is going to happ…now…Flashing blue and red lights were on my tail. I pulled over, powered the window down, dug out my license, and waited for him to approach.

I said to him, dumbfounded, “Hi, I honestly do not know what I did wrong.” He actually was not an ass. He said, “Well, your license is expired.” I knew immediately what he did. I have no idea how in under a minute he made a wide turn to follow me and simultaneously run the tag numbers. And, what in the hell gave him provocation to check out the tag??? Florida is a rear-tag- only state. Thank God, the tag wasn’t expired. In Florida tags expire on the owner’s birthday. It’s the state government’s sick birthday gift to its residents. Rose’s birthday is in October. I knew she’d renewed her tag. Ironically, mine expired in February, and I did not renew it yet because my FUCKING CAR ISN’T MOVING ANYWHERE.

So, yeah, he ran the tag—the police must have some magical scanner with telescope-like vision. I replied, “Oh, this isn’t my car; it’s my roommate’s. I’m driving it because my car needs an alternator and she’s mostly been living in the hospital.” He was actually sympathetic and nice.

“So, do you mind if I run your license?” He actually ASKED me. I said, “Absolutely not, please do.” I handed him my license and he took it back to run it through his little police computer. He came back and said, “Ok, you’re good. Thank you. You can go.”

Whew! because her license being suspended could only mean one thing: her auto insurance is canceled. I fumed. It would have been nice to have fair warning that that was going to be a possibility.

I was lucky he did not bring up the insurance factor. A friend of mine who used to work in the tax office, where Florida’s DMV’s live, in another county told me that sometimes that information does not come up when a cop runs the auto tag. Lucky!! In Florida a driver without auto insurance and an expired license can be hauled to jail and the car impounded. Granted, that rarely happens, usually the driver gets a big fat ticket to tack onto the multiple hundreds of dollars it will take to get the license reinstated.

I’m pissed, frustrated, fed up, disappointed in the lack of honesty, and so ready to be over everybody’s else’s damn drama. I want to go live by myself and decompress and relax, and cry the last 18 years of my life out, and just start over.

I fucking deserve that. Cross your fingers for me, please.