…with my new right knee. This has been the most surreal couple of months—even more surreal than 6/15/2023 (kind of a private sentiment).

I don’t know where to begin to explain my current state. It’s confusing, swirling, starving—with not enough strength to go downstairs and make food half the time. It’s just weird. I’m not sleeping worth a holy crap. The muscles in my lower back are so tightly squished into compact layers, they constantly hurt,

I realized I’m afraid to get under the covers, turn out the light and try to sleep, because I know it will end up in frustration like it has for the last 3-4 weeks,

I just want to get through all this to start my life over, to write more—and less about my fucking health issues. I want peace. I want a good, clean, organized (yeah, I used to have one of those), safe home. I want a home I can be proud of.

Somehow I have to get through this so I can improve my life.

I’m rambling. It might be the Xanax.