It’s an introduction to a post I’m composing in my head. I’m burning up stress composing this.

Financially, this year has been one huge dud. My job has become an albatross. I’m just now getting a better picture of how that looks. The focus is still a little fuzzy.

I don’t hate where I work. I don’t hate who I work with. I don’t hate our customers. I don’t hate the company I work for. I don’t hate the city in which I work. I don’t hate what we sell.

I just hate how retail in general is run and how it treats its workers. At this stage of my life (I turned 63 in February, but not too many people believe me when I say that and I’m thankful), I’ve worked enough such soul sucking retail jobs that I sacrificed too much for. I’ve been owned by such jobs. By that I mean, I have no control over my own schedule.

This is how it works: if you want to get anywhere near full time hours, retail enterprises expect workers to have, “open availability.” That’s a euphemism for, “Your time is mine; I can schedule you whenever I want.” This often ends up with workers being scheduled to work till closing (usually 10-11 pm) and then turn around and have be back on the job at 9 am the next day. There are places where it’s worse, such as closing and then having to return to a shift that starts at 6-7 am. It’s fucking unhealthy.

I’m sick of it. Literally.

$$$$$&&&&&&&&&&&&&

So, I’m thinking of retiring early at 63 that would net me about $200 more per month than what my current job nets me. That’s with getting paid 70% of social security money that I’d be eligible for if I waited till age 70. The thing is, I can still work and earn up to a maximum of $21,000 before it reduces the amount I earn from social security.

Not having to work gives me free time to start my career. How ironic. Seriously, I wouldn’t be so exhausted and depressed working a job that I’m so overqualified for, I have no energy to write, to start the home-based businesses I want to start.

Candles, words, photos, thrift-store finds, handmade beaded jewelry—I’d have time to create with these to sell online or at craft markets.

My job has sucked so badly at paying my bills, I’m running up a tab with my roommate who has paid my way on too many occasions. I’m trying to help repay that with deeds such as driving two hours one/way to fetch her from a hospital stay at Tampa General. That has taken up writing and job hunting time, but I do feel obligated. She’s been more than awesome with her inheritance funds.

I seriously want to return the favor, in kind.

It’s just after 3 am EDT. I have to get up for work at around 8 am. I just felt the need to write out some of the things going through my mind tonight—well, not just tonight, but lately.

The Universe is sure putting me through a dense forest of thoughts.