More free associations.

I’m on the cusp of leaving work to drive two miles to Tampa—Tampa General Hospital—which is on Davis Island, which kind of dangles from downtown Tampa into Tampa Bay. My roommate and friend, Rose, is there.

She had surgery on June 21 and has had four trips to the ER due to complications. Twice she was sent from a local hospital here, in Orlando, back to Tampa General. It’s a two hour trip, one way.

Stressed. Exhausted. Anxious. Scared. Tired of living in almost poverty. Tired of working retail. Want a vacation. Haven’t had one since 2005. Miss joy. Miss happiness. Miss Oregon. Miss Portland. Miss Tampa. Miss St. Pete. Miss getting good sleep. Miss school.

Miss all my dearest loved ones who live not close to me—people I’ve known for over 20 years.

Miss my ability to visualize into reality. Miss money—used to have it. Miss having a completely paid off car that is still under full-extended warranty. Miss road trips. Miss a safe, clean, organized, pest-free and quirky home.

I miss my self confidence.

Gotta get into comfy clothes for the trip to Tampa.

Still at work trying to get my torn up stomach to settle down.